Thursday, August 20, 2009

The hurt I hold inside me

Two things happened today. A friend posted a YouTube video of Bebo singing "Cover Me" and I received a thank you note from my grandson Kevin for the two books I sent him for his eighth birthday.
A tear was shed for the thank you note. His mother won't let me see my grandson ... (she won't answer why) only twice since his daddy passed away in 2006. Sometimes no thank you notes for little cards with money or presents at Christmas and today was wonderful in that I could see his printing and know I am still called "MiMi".
It was after that that I heard the Bebo Song Cover Me and really liked it so I listened to many more and then heard "I will Lift My Eyes". What a wonderful song!
When it came to the line: The healer of the hurt I hold inside me, it got me thinking. Thinking about the hurt I do have about the situation. I can forgive her and do pray for her, but how does that hurt heal without me actually getting to be with my seems a permanent tear to me. Of course God and I have talked about this many times. I manage to get through the day obviously, but it's there,always there. I think it hurts more because his own daddy is not in his life and feel that I could give him so much for that vacant spot...never to fill that for him, but to help him on the way. God has not allowed this for whatever reason.
Everyone has hurts; I am no different. Big hurts, little hurts...These trials and tribulations teach us great wisdom and knowledge as we surrender our egos and pride. God always has a better plan than any we can dream for ourselves!! Some things have to be removed from our lives in order to fulfill His intention for us.
So how do we move through and not let those hurts affect us negatively? The Enemy would have us ruminate and ponder and drive ourselves nuts until we lose all our peace and any effectiveness we might ever have toward serving God and loving others.
Conversely, Jesus tells us to forgive our enemies (small cap), pray, think on things that are lovely and pure, move outside ourselves and focus on the purpose and meaning to why we are here...serving others as unto the Lord, sharing the hope in Him who is able to keep us from falling and to present us before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy! Jude 1:24
Forgiveness isn't always 'easy', far from it, but God always has a better way...and when we forgive it is we who are set free. It's not like the other person cares much anyway! God's ways are better .. we surrender to Him and He takes that and turns it to our benefit. How blessed to be set free from the repurcutions of unforgiveness such as bitterness. Have you ever been around a truly bitter person? It isn't good, nice or fun. They usually end up very much alone in terms of great friendships and have few acquaintances as well.
I want to live life to the fullest being on the path God has set for me. I want to enjoy His presence in my life. I don't want to be held back by character qualities that don't let me DANCE the life the Lord gives me each and every day.
I'm thinking one way to move through this hurt I have held inside me is to help the 8 year old sunday school class or volunteer at the 4th grade grammer school in some capacity...or just find an eight-year-old who needs a pal. God will bring it to me. I know this because as I pondered all of this the Holy Spirit placed the thoughts into my mind.
I will lift my eyes to the One whose throne is in heaven. Psalm 123:1
The LORD heard my prayer for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer. Psalm 6:9
I pray you let the Holy Spirit move in your life today
and heal you free from any hurt you have in you.


Lori Stilger said...

Beautifully shared, my dear friend. I think, perhaps, we all have that ONE hurt - yours is big! - that we have in our lives. God can USE that, as He's using it in your life currently, to teach us SO much. We need to be willing. EEK. :D
I love you, Karen. You have such a beautiful heart!

R. Quilter said...

Thank you for being so honest!
I am glad your my Sister!
Love you!

ChaChaneen said...

Yes, that was honest, heart felt and well written my sweet friend. Your right, we don't know His reason for doing things but I have to know it has ETERNAL value... the good, the bad... has eternal value that will make sense when we get there. Which seems to be pretty darn soon with all the garbage going on down here!